*You are the only one I love... to love.*

I wonder what it would be like to live in a world without clocks and calendars and agendas and deadlines. Honestly, I'm not sure I would be able to do it. Even on "relaxing" vacations, I always have to have a plan or at least the makings of a plan in my head.

It's the same thing every day. Wake up, shower, drive to work, tea, breakfast, work, lunch, work, meetings, work, drive home. For what? Retirement. Now, there's something to look forward to...

When I was 8, I wanted to be 14. When I was 14, I wanted to be 17. When I was 17, I wanted to be 24. Now that I am 24, I'm not sure which direction I head if I had the choice. Would I want to be older and more "wiser"? Or would I want to go back to being a teenager and have no "real" responsibilities yet?

"Control your own destiny or someone else will." -Jack Welch

"One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it." - French Proverb

These quote probably means the most to me. I am not a big fan of people telling me what to do so why would I want someone else to control my destiny? And I am a very strong believer in signs. There are things at work beyond our control and your eyes always have to be open to seeing what your destiny wants you to see. There are just so many outside factors that influence decisions. I wish I could make a promise to myself that, from this moment forward, I would not avoid great opportunities just because I don't think that it is possible, or that I don't have the money, or some other excuse that I'm sure could be handled given the right situation. But I'm scared. I think I'm most afraid of making the wrong decisions. But then again, isn't everyone at my age?

*I want to change the world. Instead I sleep.*

I pray for the days when I am inspired. Last week, after our meeting to smooth out all of the details of our commitment to lose weight, I felt good. Really good. I felt like I could take on the world. This happens often. I'd say 2-3 times per month I feel inspired to change my life. I want to get into photography. I want to learn ballet. I want to learn how to play the violin and guitar and piano. I want to learn Spanish and Russian and Italian. I want to volunteer with so many different groups. I want to travel to many different places and meet new people. I feel like I should conquer some mini battles, such as losing weight, before I can move on to any of these very large ones stated above. I have been struggling with losing weight for quite some time now and if I can't get to a place I am happy about with, then I should just give up in the rest!

I wish I knew where I could meet people that would inspire me to change. I wish I didn't give up so easily.